Everything Isn't Alright
by Thehungergamesfan123
Summary: Sorry, this isn't really a "fanfiction." Its just a story, but its not really based off anything. WARNING: kind of sad
1. Chapter 1

My name is Amber Williams. And this is the story of my life. I have never really fit in. Been called fat, ugly stupid, since kindergarten. It was horrible. I had no friends. At the age of 7 i developed an eating disorder. I would always eat, wherever, whenever. I was eating because i had a lot of stress and pain. I think most of it was from my dad. My mom and dad are divorced, so i saw him on weekends. It was horrible whenever i wen over there. I was alright during the day, but when we had to go to sleep, i would lie in bed for hours with the worst pain in my stomach. The pain was excruciating, you cant even imagine. My dad had a girlfriend, Sarah, and i loved her more than him. She was amazing, she was comforting and would take care of us. But she wasn't happy. My dad emotionally and mentally abused his girlfriends. Im not sure about physically, but I'm sure he hit them or something. I just didn't see. He called her fat too. I didn't realize it at the time, but she wasn't eating. She would cook for us, but sit at the table and stare. Eventually she moved out, and that was kind of when they broke up. It wasn't very clear, so we still visited her. I remember one time he asked her how much she weighed. We were at her house, just got there, so it was very random. But even at that young age, it bothered me. I pulled her in to the kitchen and started crying.

"Why did he ask you how much you weighed?" I asked tears streaming down my face.

"Oh he was just wondering. Its okay Amber."

"Oh ok. I just didnt want him calling you fat or anything 'cuz your not."

"Its okay. He wasn't." I could see pain in her eyes. I quickly wiped away the tears. I knew he would get mad if he saw me crying. We saw Sarah a couple more times, but pretty soon it was clear the relationship was over. I was sad. I would miss her so much. But i was also happy she was out of that misery. I saw her once more. She wasn't with my dad. She drove to my house and took my sister and I Christmas shopping. It was good seeing her again. A couple years i figured out what happened. My dad found out somehow and told her to never talk or see us again. I hated him for it. I still do to this day. I never saw Sarah again. After a couple years later, i decided to stop seeing my dad. I was in misery there, and my mom knew so we didn't see him for about a year. Then he wanted to see us again for Christmas. My sister and i agreed. We started seeing him again slowly. I thought for a moment he changed. But he didn't. He has a new girlfriend. Still treats her like shit. Shes nice too. But no one will be able to replace the connection i had with Sarah. I like her but i want somehow to show my dad isn't good. I want to help her get out of this relationship. My dad plays a game where he seems nice, but then shows his true colors once the woman is too deep in the abusive relationship to get out. It was little things with my dad. Him putting down my dreams and my hopes for jobs in the future. He was pretty bad to my sister, but i always stood up for her. We were twins but, she was smaller and more fragile. I would do anything to protect her. ANYTHING. I loved her more than anyone. I avoid my dad at all costs, but i have to see him sometimes. At least for my sister.


	2. Chapter 2

Back to school. School was pretty bad until 2nd grade. I found a friend named Elizabeth. She was a great friend. But then in 3rd grade i found a friend named Jordan. Then she was my "new" best friend. I basically ditched Elizabeth. She wasn't popular either, and didn't really have any friends either, so now i regret leaving her all alone. Jordan soon moved, so with welcoming arms she let me be friends with her again. And i love and thank her for that. We stuck like glue up to 5th grade. Then 3/4 into the year, we had a big fight. I was telling her she was changing, but for the worse. She would wear TONS of makeup, and popularity was all that mattered. Then thankfully 3 days before school we made up. She apologized, and i apologized back. We weren't loners anymore, which was nice. Then we had graduation. It was sad. I was gonna leave people i had know for 6 years. Some were coming to my middle school, but i basically never saw them. Now it may not seem bad, but i haven't gotten to what happened during those 2 years.

It was like hell. In 4th grade it was okay. But depression was creeping up slowly. 5th grade was the worst. With, without Elizabeth, I was depressed. For some reasons i knew, others i didn't. I was bullied a lot, so that didn't help, then stuff with my dad, and i was just sad a lot for no reason. I soon developed depression, anxiety, and a new eating disorder. I thought i was fat, even though i only had a few extra pounds. I stopped eating which made me lose weight, but it had bad side affects. I started losing hair, having more acne, being tired, i was cranky, and overall it just made me more depressed. I would have tons of stress, and every morning i would have anxiety. One time i scratched myself, i was around 5 years old, but stopped because my mom talked to me about it. I knew friends who cut, they were teenagers, 15-16 years old. And at 5 years old I didn't even know what cutting was. So fifth grade i took a nail from my wall a the next couple of days i had over 20 red cuts on my arm. Unfortunately my mom saw, so soon i had psych appointments every week. Therapy didn't help, but i didn't tell anyone what was truly going on. I was lying and convinced my mom and therapist i was better. They believed it, but i was only getting worse. Everyday i would think about suicide. How i would do it. When i would do it. Then my mom and sister left the house for a couple of hours. I had thought over and over and decided i would commit suicide by taking a drug overdose, since it seemed painless. I got a notebook and started writing to everyone i cared about. Saying the world was better off without me. I deserved it. That i was worthless.

_Dear mom,_

_Im sorry. But trust me. The world will be better off without me. I love you and Monica both. So much. Im just worthless. I deserve it. I don't deserve to be here. Tell Elizabeth she is an awesome friend. Im in a better place now. Don't worry. I love you. Just try to forget about me. You don't need me. I love you. _

_ Love,_

_ Amber_


End file.
